I lost a friend yesterday and I feel terrible. Those of you who’ve read some of our posts realize that we volunteer with a Christian Charity that helps high risk people get apartments. High risk can mean asylum-seekers from other countries, drug or alcohol dependent people or people in emergency situations who have lost their apartment and have no place to stay.

One of the guys who’d been in our charity for probably ten years passed away yesterday. He was a really quiet guy who minded his own business and didn’t make problems for anybody. What he had, was an alcohol problem that persisted for years. He’d been warned repeatedly that he needed to kick the habit but he couldn’t bring himself to do it, nor to go into therapy.

I got to know him by doing some renovations in the apartment he shared with another guy. He was a really nice guy to talk with, but seemed really uncertain of himself, almost afraid of change. I tried a number of times to convince him to enter therapy without success. He couldn’t imagine life without the bottle.

Watching Helplessly as the End Approached

Last August, his roommate called for emergency medical assistance because he wouldn’t go to the doctor or to the hospital. He seemed determined to simply die. His roommate was a former alcoholic who knew enough to see that he was about to die from his alcohol abuse. He also had tried to convince him he should go to therapy but also without success.

He was in the hospital from late August until early November, most of that time in intensive care while they tried to strengthen his liver and kidneys. I decided to regularly stop by to visit him and the hospital staff was kind enough to let me spend time with him even though I wasn’t family. They realized he had no family. That was when I really started to get to know him.

I pleaded with him to get help, to stay away from the alcohol, trying to get him to realize his life had value. He confided that he hadn’t seen his family in years, so long he couldn’t remember the last time he’d spoken with them. He also told me he had no friends, was alone all day long and would just go back to drinking when he was out of the hospital until he died. There was no reason for him to live.

He wouldn’t let me pray for him and he didn’t want me to talk about God. So, I decided to just be his friend and show him that I cared enough that he should reconsider his life. The doctors in the hospital quickly realized he wasn’t going to accept help and so as soon as he was healthy enough to send home, they checked him out. He was so weak he couldn’t walk and needed help to get a taxi to go home. And just as he said, he immediately began drinking again. Three days later, he was back in the hospital. His roommate called emergency again, realizing he was nearly dead, bleeding all over his room.

A New Hospital, the Same Outcome

Once again, he was in intensive care for weeks. Again, the hospital was kind enough to let me visit. Our visits got better and better. We had more and more to talk about and his face would light up when I would walk into the room. He had no other visitors.

This time around he seemed to get better care and I could see his condition steadily improving. Eventually, he was released again, went home and I quickly learned that again, he had returned to drinking. Apart from the three days he was out of the hospital, he’d had no alcohol in nearly 5 months. But the desire was still there, at least the psychological desire.

By this time, we were becoming good friends. When I spoke with him the last time, he told me that he’d attended church as a child with his father and grandparents and had really good memories of his time in church. I invited him to our church which was only around the corner and told him we’d pick him up. But he refused, saying his was too ashamed to go. I couldn’t convince him there was nothing to be ashamed of and that God loved him and wanted him to turn to Him and serve Him.

He wasn’t ready to return to church. I could see his fear and sense his shame as he twice broke into tears. It was the first time I’d seen emotion in him. My wife and I had been praying for him since he first went into the hospital, hoping God would perform a miracle and save him. I sensed it was important to spend more time with him. I went three times last week to see him, but he didn’t answer his door or phone and his roommate also didn’t answer his phone.

The Death of my Friend

I stopped by Friday and then Saturday without success. Sunday, I got the call from his roommate that he had passed away. It hurts. I feel like I failed him. I feel like I should have spent more time with him, got started building a relationship earlier than I did. I should have asked him more pointedly why he felt so much shame.

I feel completely powerless. Like I disappointed both him and God. So, I asked God to help me so that I make a stronger effort in the future so that no one needlessly dies without Christ. I can only hope God is faithful to answer. We’re currently helping two other alcoholics, and I’m learning just how addictive alcohol can be, and how destructive. They have both accepted Christ but are still early in their relationship with Him. That means they are also still struggling with alcohol. And we’re praying for a better outcome as they have also become our good friends.

I’m not sure how it will turn out but we’re confident we’re showing our friends the love of God and they acknowledge it regularly. While we rejoice at that, our deepest desire is that God frees them of their addictions and sinful habits that hold them captive, because they’re really great people who just need God to lead their lives.